Deguchi No Nai
by Naomi Hunter
Summary: ch 2: Thank you and NOTE up. Ryo angst. ^^ Ryo reflects on his feelings for Dee. Then ends up confronting him about it one way or another. It's a very socially motivated piece. happy ending, though. Promise. ^^ Plus a lil comedy sketch at the end. R&R.
1. Deguchi No Nai

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Deguchi no Nai:

(There is No Way Out.)

__

By: Naomi Hunter.

(a/n: Note: / _italics/_ are thought. I left the self-argument with thought (/_italics_/) and " text " so it was a little easier to understand…I hope. ^^;; Tch, and do I really have to warn you it's shonen-ai? : p) 

"Tsumetai kaze wo abinagara 

Kurikaesu yoru ni omoi wo egaiteta 

Sotto kuchizusamu merodi wa 

Toki ni kizamarete kieru 

Nido to modorenai kanashimi wa wasurerarenakute 

Ima mo yureru omoi ni somaru koto dekinai karada ga 

Kowaresou de... 

Bathed in the cold wind 

Imagining these feelings night after night 

The melody I hum softly 

Is etched in time and disappears 

I can't forget the sadness that will I can never go back 

Even now I can't dye myself with these swaying emotions and my body 

Is about to break…"

~Gackt: _Mize'rable. _

Ryo sighed, sinking down onto the overstuffed couch. 

"I'm exhausted…" He murmured aloud, leaning his head back. The apartment was too quiet with Bikky over at Cal's. Ryo let out a gentle sigh and began to wonder where the remote to the television was. Realizing it wasn't within an arms reach, he settled himself back on the couch, Bikky's adopted kitten jumping up to snuggle at his thigh. He lazily reached out a hand to pet Killer, as Bikky had named it, the kitten purred contentedly and nuzzled his hand. It had been a long day-- there were a string of murders surfacing in their area and there was no sign of a suspect. It worried Ryo that Bikky and Cal were out and about with a murderer on the loose, but Dee told him to not worry so much and gave him a soothing pat on the shoulder. It was amazing to Ryo that such a touch from his loud and flashy partner could calm him so. Part of it scared him--the fact Dee had such an effect on him-- and that the other part of him wanted more--which he knew that Dee was more than willing to give. 

Ryo took a look out the window and watched the snow falling lightly upon the city. 

"Looks like this is going to be the first bad winter in a few years. I don't remember the last time it snowed so early this time of year…Well, there was that time on Thanksgiving…but that was over 5 years ago.[1.]" He sighed and slanted his head back again. "I hope Bikky and Cal are out of the storm. I can't afford them getting sick right now…" He yawned and found his thoughts returning to his brash partner. "I wonder where he is now…" He laughed at the concept and shook his head. "Probably off somewhere…not important, right, kitty?" 

The tabby meowed loudly and began to purr noisily. 

"He's probably off with JJ or someone like that…" A lump formed in his throat as the crazy side of him scolded him. /_He's not going to wait for you forever, Ryo. You've got to take this chance! You know how you feel--/_

"No, I don't know how I feel…" he said aloud, "I don't. This is all so confusing…"

/_What about when he kisses you? Hm? How do you feel? How does it make you feel?/_

"…Good…"  
/_And what about when you're with him? Do you enjoy it?/_

"Yes…"

/_What if he were a woman, Ryo? What if _you_ were a woman, would you be so worried about it then?/_

"No…I suppose not…"

/_Then what are you so apprehensive about!? You're going to lose him? Do you really think you could live with yourself if you lost him?/_

Ryo didn't answer himself. 

"I know how _forward_ Dee is with everything…but I'm not…I'm not so quick to admit some of these things about myself…But…when he touches me….it feels so good." He covered his face with his hands and stared up at the ceiling. "When he kissed me under the mistletoe at the Holiday party I wasn't afraid of everyone looking at me, at us…they all knew what we were going through, but why do I feel that everyone else might not be so kind…But when he kisses me….it's like the world around us disappears--shatters _completely_ and the only thing I want to feel is his hands on my body and his lips on mine…" 

The cat impatiently nuzzled at his thigh waiting to be pet as he blushed. 

"What am I saying--this is _insane-- _" He stated as he jumped at hearing the phone ring. 

He sighed and gathered the strength to get up and answer the call.

"Hello?" He said, leaning his weight on the small table on which the phone was located.

"Hey. It's Dee."  
"Hi…" /_I was just thinking about you…/_

"You're not busy, right?"  
"Depends…"  
"Come to the park by your apartment, okay?"  
"Hey, wait. C'mon, Dee, it's cold and snowing--"  
"Just meet me there, okay? See you in a few minutes, Ryo." And then the self-assured detective hung up.

"Great…" He muttered aloud. 

Ryo went to his room and changed his pants and shirt--layering up with a dress shirt and a sweater on top of that. He pulled on his winter coat and wrote a quick note to Bikky in case he got home while he was out-- _hello, Bikky, Welcome back. Do your homework, and be in bed by 9:30 the latest. There are some leftovers in the fridge if you're hungry. I went out to meet Dee around 7:30ish, be back soon. -Ryo._-- and pulled on his gloves. 

The snow was still falling all the while he walked to the park, casting a whitish glow on everything. In fact, it was very beautiful and quiet--not to mention peaceful. 

The Detective was sitting on a bench lighting another cigarette. From the looks of the numerous cigarette stubs scattered around his feet, he'd been there a while. Ryo stood at his feet, his arms crossed in front of him, shivering slightly.

"I'm here." He said as Dee looked up and smiled, pulling him into a kiss. The blonde jerked away looking around, his cheeks bright red.

"For the love of Jesus fucking Christ, there is no one here, Ryo." He sighed exasperatedly. 

"If this is all you dragged me out here for--"  
"Sit, please, Ryo." He took his gloved hand and guided him down next to him. 

Ryo did shyly as Dee put an arm around his shoulders, rubbing his upper arm to help/attempt to keep him warmer. It took him nearly ten minutes to speak.

"Look, Ryo, you _know_ that I like you, a lot, in that more-than-just-my-partner-slash-friend way…" He looked into Ryo's dark eyes and gently touched his cheek with a bare hand. "You know how much I care for you and I really don't want to offend you, or push you but it's so damn hard when you won't make up your mind. Whenever I kiss you, you never push away, then you get mad at me later for it, or you'll use it against me. Then when it's not my fault that JJ stalks me, you act so goddamn wounded it makes me feel bad…." he sighed softly. "Ryo, I need to know this right now. What do you feel about me? Do you want me, or not? You've got to let me know what the hell is going on in your head, Ryo…"  
The blonde pulled away slightly, biting down hard on his bottom lip.

"I….I don't know what's going on in my head right now…" He whispered. "Accepting that you're gay--bisexual," he corrected himself, "may be easy for you, it may be easy for you to show it too….but the fact that I might be gay, to me, isn't something I'm overly proud of… Dee, I've never, _ever_, felt anything like this…but…it's hard for me to think this out… I mean, I'm almost 40, why haven't I given this more thought sooner?" [2.]  
"Everyone questions at different times. Hell, there are people who realize at 80 that they're gay. Maybe, it's just you haven't been looking in the right places, Ryo…"

"But, all I can think of is 'what will everyone think', 'what do I tell people'…This isn't some insignificant thing to me, Dee. I have my future to think of…"  
"Shit, Ryo, don't you think I've been through this too? I began questioning my sexuality at 16, and let me tell you, it's just as scary, if not moreso when you're in high school. Hell, I was too afraid to come out until I was twenty and I had my first same-sex significant other…it's just different for some people…" He gently held Ryo's hand. "Do you like what you feel? Do you like being with me?"   
"Y-yes…_very much_ so, Dee…" He said quietly as the dark haired young man smiled. 

"Then don't you think that's just a _little _more important than what other people think?"

Ryo hesitated, then gently turned up the corners of his lips. 

"I guess." He said, facing him fully. Dee laughed and held out his hands. 

"Now, not to change the subject, but how do you know you have frostbite?" He asked stiffly wiggling his red and ice cold fingers. 

Ryo sighed softly and kissed him on the cheek. 

"What _am_ I going to do with you, Dee…"  
The detective gave a sexy grin, "Take me home and discipline me?" he asked hopefully. 

The blonde stood, brushing the snow off of the both of them. "I was thinking about some coffee…" He laughed and took his hand. "Come on," he said as Dee pulled him back into his arms. 

"Ryo…" He whispered into his hair, holding him close.

"Y-yes, Dee?" He said as the taller detective leant his forhead against his. 

"I'm happy you decided to give me a chance."

He smiled shyly, "I had to…I couldn't let you go if I tried…" He told him, initiating a kiss. 

Dee chuckled softly. "Mmm, getting brave, are we?"  
"A little…now come on, I really think you could use that cup of coffee."  


"Bikky?" Ryo called as he unlocked the door and walked in, Dee following. "I'm home."

"Yo." 

Ryo took their coats and put them on the back of a chair to dry off. The two walked into the kitchen where Bikky sat, eating the leftovers. He glared slightly at Dee, then stopped, watching the two. Ryo poured 2 cups of coffee and made Bikky some hot chocolate and sat down at the table and began to massage Dee's semi-frozen hands. 

"Did you do your homework yet?" The blonde asked, concentrating on warming the other's hands. 

"No." he admitted as Ryo nodded.

"I'd get on it; do you have a lot?"  
"Nah."  
"Then start it now so you can get to bed on time."  
"Sure." He said spooning the last of his mashed potatoes in his mouth. He washed his plate and took his hot cocoa to his room. 

Dee leant forward and kissed the side of Ryo's neck when he was gone. 

"You're getting good with him…"

"I'm learning, or moreso remembering what it's like to be a kid."  
"Shit, is there anything you can't do?"  
"You really wanna know?"  
"Oh, yeah." 

Ryo smiled and kissed him gently on the lips. "I can't make instant oatmeal. It either comes out too solid or too soupy." He said as Dee frowned.

"That's it?"  
"That's it." 

"Tch. How _amazing_."

Ryo laughed and got up.

"Come on, you can sleep over. You should take a shower to warm up." 

"Is Ryo going to take a shower?"  
"Yes?"  
"Can Dee come in with Ryo?"  
Ryo frowned at Dee's Cheshire cat like grin. "No, but if you're good I might remember to drop the towel." 

"Woohoo!" He said following Ryo to the bedroom. 

[ Fin. ]

[1.] That snow is true. I live in New York--Long Island, rather but still NY. It was flurrying on Thanksgiving approximately 5-6 years ago. I remember. ^-^

[2.] Ages….I have no idea where to gauge them in terms of age. I only have the 1st manga and the OVA/OAV. But in the following conversation Ryo said something that I'll bold.

Ryo: "Y'know, I'd appreciate if you'd retract that 'child' comment…Mister Laytner."

Dee: "Huh?"

Ryo: "**You can't call someone a child who's been around the block for over 20 years now.**"

Dee: "Oooh, you mean that 'new child' deal? Sorry man, my bad, 'kay? Look, amongst us guys, we call all the rookies 'new children', all right? Don't get worked up about it, okay? At any rate, The name's Dee Laytner, call me Dee."

Soo…..it means he's either over 20, or been working over 20 years --seeing as it said he was "assigned to your [the NYPD's 27th precinct] criminal investigations unit as of today". I think it means he was working elsewhere and was reassigned….. Anywho. He doesn't really sound like too much of a New Yorker…that much. =3 Maybe he's a Long Islander! ^-~

Hello, all. I'm Naomi Hunter. New to FAKE and the FAKE scene. I haven't R&R'd much FAKE Fanfiction yet, but I'm getting on it. If I got some details wrong or order in series forgive me, I only have vol. 1 of the manga and the ova so far. *laughs* I love this series because of a few reasons. Establishing the setting is easy seeing as I live in N.Y. and I have a funny attraction to Dee---My name _is_ Dee, short for Deirdra. ^^ Real name, by the way. But funny thing is, I am completely Ryo-esque in personality. Go figure. ^-~ 

I hope to write more FAKE at a later point in time but I have a feeling this is it for me till I get a few more Manga. 

Extra notes: Many thanks to Anime Castle---- animecastle.com is my new favourite place. Go there and buy. They have good prices and lots of good shit. ^^ And Malice Mizer/Gackt of whom I have been listening to non-stop for days on end. *drools over Mana* I love you.

As for the Ryo's little speech and Dee's little speech and all, it's some true info, some of my philosophy. *shrugs* Etc, etc. 

And Ps: Naomi Hunter also cannot make instant oatmeal. ^^;

Disc: Gackt owns the lyrics, Sanami Matoh owns FAKE, and Deguchi No Nai is part of a Nittle Grasper (series: Gravitation) song--Sleepless Beauty.

Love and Peace.

~Naomi Hunter. 

Added bonus: For your comedy enjoyment. Some of you may get this, some may not.

Random person *looks at Dee trying to be all snuggly*: Dude, are you two gay?

Ryo: *BLUSHES and pushes Dee off* No, of course not, we're partners.

Person: Sooo….you're gay…

Ryo: No, we're partners.

Person: So you're gay.

Ryo: No. WE ARE **PARTNERS**.

Dee: *snickers* *aside* Should I tell him the other meaning of the word? *grin* Naaaah. 


	2. Thank you's and Author's Note

Hola, mis amigos!   
  
*smiles* I'm really glad you all liked Deguchi no Nai. ^^ It makes me so happy to feel so loved. =3   
  
I would like to thank you for all of your help clearing up series-ish details. Like Ryo's age being 40ish. O.o Gomen, minna, gomen. *hides* I'm such a dumbass. I changed it, don't worry.   
  
And I also want to do a little free also, before I get to my individual thank you's I'd like to do a little free advertising. I have 2 new FAKE fic….poem…things. If they're bad it's because I wrote them in the span between 11:40 and 12:05 am. Stupid fireworks….keeping me awake. What the hell are they doing lighting fireworks before the 4th of July?! *blinks* Anyhow… There are two and they're not overly long or short.   
  
1.) More Ryo angsty stuff. Like Deguchi no Nai but a little fluffier….or maybe a little angstier… and apparently /angstier/ is not a word. *makes a face at Word©* Well, it's entitled "Just so you know…" and will be posted either today or tomorrow. (July 4th or 5th). This will have about a PG/Pg-13 rating….dunno yet.  
  
2.) The other is JJ angst. I don't know about you all but I like JJ. He's pretty cute, that and I feel bad for him because he is never going to get Dee. *hugs JJ* It's okay Jemmy-kun. In any case, it's kind of my idea on what went on between JJ and Dee 'back in the day'. I have a feeling--and maybe as I read more it'll fade (or be engulfed by fluff-clouds)-- But in the whole JJ chasing Dee I don't feel he's quite as innocent as he played off to be with Ryo. I'm so mean, I love Dee but he's so easy to pick on sometimes. *cries* Anyhow, it's entitled "Invisible". It'll also have an upped rating of about R because of allusions to sex and stuff. Will be posted either today, tomorrow or the next day. (July 4th or 5th or July 6th.)  
  
And on to the Thank you's:  
  
Lucy (ANIMEgirlDUO@aol.com) : Thank you very much for the verification of ages. I changed it, don't worry. *laughs*  
  
Eeyaatoe: Of course you may call me Deirdra-san. ^^ Barely anyone calls me by my real name anymore. Not even me! ((It's always "Dee" and now w/ my FAKE fandom it gets confusing. *laughs*)) I'm going to try and work some more on it. Maybe just a little Christmas-y fic in…July. XD. Thank you for the review. And don't forget about "Just so you know…" ^^.  
  
Wildefyre: I'm glad you think it flowed, I was worried it got muddled…as usual. ^^; And I agree, who wouldn't want Dee to kiss them? *giggles* Thank you, too, for the info on the ages. 28 sounds about right. I remember his parents died at 18 but the 10 years part isn't in the first manga. *laughs* I was only 10 years off! :p  
  
Jexia: I'd love to run to Waldenbooks or Suncoast and grab one….but *pulls out pocket lining and lint and moths fly out* Me have no money….or, actually. I do but I can't spend it coz Mom doesn't know I have it. I might get it on Saturday--have tentative plans to go a-malling with my friends. ^^ Let's hope! Coz I can spend it when Mom's not there! Anywho, I shall be inspired one way or another.   
  
rosiel1985: Am I going to write more? Yes, if not on this, in general.   
  
Tracy (angel_wing0@yyhmail.com): The whole Partner thing just cracks me up since I'm sure that the word in Japanese is a little different. As in I've heard Aibou used for partner/buddy in the romantic sense but I'm sure there's another word for business partner. *laughs* Angsty-fluff is my specialty. ^^   
  
Well! Thank you, everyone! I appreciate your reviews and feedback VERY MUCH! ^_^   
  
Love and Peace!  
  
~Naomi Hunter. 


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